Nearly everybody has emailed the wrong thing to the wrong person at the wrong time. It’s a leveller in modern workplaces. The consequences of errors may be immense or trivial, but not much can change that now. The error was your doing: you underperformed, messed up, failed to do the job, or perhaps you were caught lying.

In the gaffe made by BBC political editor Laura Kuenssberg (where she emailed her briefing notes to former prime minister Boris Johnson ahead of an interview with him – the interview was then cancelled), she owned up to it.

But she did not see the need either to offer excuses or explain, simply admitting it happened and what the consequences were. Case closed.

Kuenssberg will not be lying awake at night worrying about her job – and neither should you when you get things wrong. A helpful solution-focused way of coping with the painful embarrassment is needed.

1. Step back and pause

Don’t rush into doing “something” about rectifying your error. Damage has already happened and if you’re going to pay for it, then that’s probably already been decided.

Trying to fix things will be a stressful distraction, that only benefits others. Take time to consider what happened, and don’t rush ahead unthinkingly. Doing nothing is a valid option.

2. Could you see this coming?

Were you taking risks? Not paying attention? Attention errors happen because people have too much to do. Recognise the factors behind mistakes, and if any warning signs were ignored.

Identify future warning signs, for example endless multi-tasking; too many screens; or allowing emails to dominate your work. Recall the mechanics of how it went wrong – like rushing to press send. Understanding what triggers your errors is vital, and knowing your limitations helps.

3. Take responsibility

There are two options: blame everyone else and maintain your innocence, or accept some of this mistake was down to you. Take responsibility and own it. If you don’t, you’ll likely make the same error again.

Denial is comforting, but it is a short-term maladaptive strategy. Admitting mistakes affords you more goodwill than being a persistent denier.

4. Remove the emotions

Errors come with powerful negative emotions of shame, embarrassment or anger. Because you erred doesn’t mean you should feel eternal shame. Move on. Nobody is always error-free and aiming for that is an irrational pathway to unhappiness.

Detach yourself from emotions. When emotional, you are not at your most logical, so it is best to wait before making decisions. There is nothing wrong with asking for time to get your thoughts together before considering what to do next.

5. Others won’t think badly of you for long

Don’t waste time worrying what others think. You can’t do anything about it. You’ll perceive your mistake is bigger than it really is, and that everyone will be laughing. This is cognitive distortion.

Your setback is the centre of your world, but not everybody else’s. Those laughing now will soon move on. You can’t stop them, so appreciate your powerlessness – it can be liberating. Take comfort knowing you would not revel in their mistakes as you’re more compassionate than them.

6. Seek wise counsel

Find those who went through similar experiences. Wisdom comes with experiences and some will want to assist you, but others may not want to overstep the mark. Wise counsel might seek you out, so be open to offers of help from those you respect.

If someone has your interests at heart, they will not rush you and you can go back to them for help when you’re ready. Be aware that others around you may try to take advantage of you while you are still down. Their advice may benefit them more than you.

7. It’s temporary

This mistake will become a funny story in a job interview, or be passed on to someone who makes the same mistake. Good will come of it, so be optimistic about the future. Remain rational, as excessive worries may produce physical symptoms.

If your mistake has been public, the judgement you may be exposed to could feel overwhelming. So stay off social media.

8. Don’t be pushed around

Many people reflecting on mistakes say they were pushed around, bullied or agreed to things at the time that they wish they had not – often because they felt reduced self-worth or self-esteem. Be yourself, do not get pushed around, and don’t agree to anything.

Human resources should be there to support you. A quick fix and bad decisions now could lead to long-time discomfort. Do nothing and say nothing if possible. Making one mistake does not mean you have to follow it up with more.

9. Others bounce back

People sometimes ricochet from errors into better positions, using setbacks as a launch point and “failing upwards”.

Intense periods of almost intolerable strain help people see inner strengths and show they are resilient. Managers may be waiting to see how you deal with this error – how you handle it may lead to other opportunities.

10. Don’t punish yourself

You’re not a bad person – just someone who messed up. It was an exception to the rule and won’t define you. Workplace cultures are quick to judge so it can be worth reminding colleagues of your good character and prior achievements.

Sometimes we’re not the best at what we do, and there are others who are better, but they’re not infallible either. You have a whole life to fulfil and this setback is just a small part of it.